Instead of facing the problem in ourselves we become convinced that the partner has been the problem all along. My Partner is the ProblemĪnd other myths like this one, are what continue to break down the relationship. After a time of this repetitive cycle something ultimately breaks down in the relationship: your partner leaves, or you leave your partner, or your partner learns to fight back even more effectively. Which brings us the same experience we were trying to avoid in the first place. When these familiar, old behaviours do not help with our problems we don’t try something new we only try harder using the same old methods. one I call the Insanity Loop (stay tuned for more about the Insanity Loop process). Trying something new leads to a new understanding but fear often forces us to revert to the old, familiar patterns of behaviour that just keeps creating the familiar pain. In fact, we harden the link to the past by staying safe and fearing to take chances when we feel anxious and vulnerable. Conflict is Repeating the Pastīecause our personalities are shaped by early family and childhood experiences, we seem doomed to repeat the mistakes and relive the pains of the past. When you find your coping strategies that are still running, and creating the behaviour that’s causing the pain, you can then make a choice to continue them or stop repeating the past. Finding the childhood root of these needs then helps you discover the ways you learned to cope within your family system (rules). To unravel and reveal these expectations and needs we need to look into our past… when we were young, impressionable and eager to please. But putting all our hopes and ex pectations of that into the relationship will eventually destroy it. No one can save you and take away the pain, that’s the Fairy Tale fantasy. ![]() This unconscious habit becomes a central theme in relationships and often leads to disappointment. “We shouldn’t have to argue in a relationship.” “If you loved me, you would/wouldn’t do that.” “You should know what I want without me having to ask.” ![]() We then, unknowingly, make our partners responsible for removing that pain and healing all our wounds. We bring into our adult relationships emotional baggage in the form of pains, hurts and wounds stemming from childhood experiences. We all carry beliefs or dreams about what relationship should be, fairy tale or not, and those beliefs are what become… Your emotional baggage in Intimate Relationships
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |